Written by Breeze
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Topics: World War II, STDs

Thursday, 21 December 2006

image for WW2 Veterans gather to celebrate VD Day
Only sailors wore condoms in those days

There were emotional scenes in London today, as many WW2 veterans gathered in the city centre to celebrate VD Day.

Many were in wheelchairs, whilst yet more were just cabbages, drooling over themselves and sitting in a pool of their own faeces. Nothing, however, could dampen the spirit of these plucky venereal disease survivors and many told us of their war time experiences.

"Things was different back then," said paratrooper Bert Snatchet, "We didn't have penicillin in them days, just a cough drop. If you got the clap then the medic would give you a 'fisherman's friend'."

"I picked something up off a French strumpet in '42," laughed Wing commander Richard Shufflebottom, "I remember when I got back to Blighty, after the war, my little fella looked like a blind cobbler's thumb."

It was not just the British fighters who suffered the ignominy of having an STD, American soldiers were also affected.

"I was stationed in Portsmouth in '44," said Yank Pte. Bob Ajob, "And many of the British women, whose husbands or sweethearts were fighting the Nazi's, were riddled with diseases. Back then, though, it was seen as a badge of courage and many of us carried our infections with pride."

Many women too, experienced VD during the harsh conditions of wartime Britain, "My old missus, Beryl, Gaw'd bless 'er, was in the WREN's," said 95 year old soldier, Bill Nippleclamp, "And spent most of the war on 'er back, being serviced by the local US Paratrooper regiment. She picked up all sorts!."

As the veteran soldiers reminisced with old comrades and compared privates, many remembered their fallen comrades.

"It was all so long ago," said Sergeant Bill Haltertop, "We wuz just kids, leaving home for the first time, wanting to get out into the world and experience a German or French brothel. My brother lost both knackers in Dunkirk. He was only 22."

Surveying these remarkable old soldiers, this reporter could do no more than wipe away a solitary tear and reflect, 'On the going down of the sun, we will remember them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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