Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 21 December 2006

image for Yuletide birth mysteries: two-wombed triplets' mother keeping mum on how many vaginas
Reminds me of the Schwarzenegger film "Total Recall"

London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A local two-wombed Devon woman, a Mrs Kersey, has made hystery by giving birth to triplets in a rare 25 million-to-one gestation that has stunned scientists during this annual miraculous virgin birth season.

Two baby girls developed in one uterus and another in the adjoining one. And while this extraordinary occurrence has brought the nation's press to the town of Northam for a series of photo-op interviews, both the new mother and her obstetrician have steadfastly refused to comment on the obvious question on everybody's lips: just how many vaginas does this very fortunate lady have?

Meanwhile in a parallel development three hundred miles away in Chester Zoo a rare Komodo female lizard is also making headlines in a non-parthenogenisis experience producing eight soon-to-be hatchlings at Chester Zoo.

Lucky the Lizard has made national headlines with an immaculate conception that has produced some rather enigmatic questions about her fecundity.

Her head keeper at Chester Zoo reptile house has sworn blind that the giant Komodo in his charge has 'never been kept with a male' and speculated that Lucky's spontaneous laying of eggs last May could have been nature's way of protesting at the lack of a mate.

But when asked to comment about a period of 'missing time' around the May Day full moon revelries in the neighboring village where some very traditional local fertility rites are enacted each year for the pagan feast of Beltane, he agreed that Lucky could just conceivably have slipped out for a quick one - possibly a cross-species mating given local proclivities - while nobody was sober enough to notice and been back in her enclosure before the dawn chorus.

The eight eggs are due to hatch on Xmas Day next week and so far nobody has been slapped with a paternity suit.

But as is common around the time of the Winter Solstice officers from the Child Support Agency may be on the lookout for the arrival of any wise guys from the East bearing strange gifts. And local shepherds are also to be DNA-tested after being seen hovering in the vicinity of the Zoo while claiming to be doing nothing more sinister than a spot of annual star-gazing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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