Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 8 January 2018

image for Northern England to be left to decay into wild forest
England - a green and pleasant land ruled by arses

The UK government has announced a bold new plan for the North of England. Instead of adapting to a post-industrial world, it is to be abandoned and left for weeds and trees to come back.

Prime Minister Theresa May explained the decision at a press conference. "We have tried to make things work for the North, but we just can't. Therefore we have designated a rectangular area with its corners at approximately Carlisle, Newcastle, Hull and Liverpool. This area is to be left for nature to reclaim. We will try to encourage it wherever possible to return to how it was as a primeval forest."

A journalist asked her what would happen to the millions of people who lived within the area. She replied, "Well they're Northerners. They're used to living like savages already. They'll adapt. We'll deliver them pies and tinned beans until they relearn how to hunt and gather."

The government has announced the plan as part of its post-Brexit strategy for the country. Southern England is expected to benefit from the "greening of the North", as it will mean that more jobs will move down south, and also less Scottish people will be able to reach London.

Make Sir Geoffroy Cockface's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

9 12 23 4
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more