Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: Police

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

image for Police issued new cars on Humberside! Fairground dodgem cars take over from Pandas!
No more Shanks's pony for Humberside armed police! They're getting a fleet of dodgems!!

The Humberside police force have been issued with a new fleet of open-top cars called Dodgems! Originally, the cars were only seen at fairgrounds all over the country.

Police on Humberside have been trying out their latest fleet of vehicles at fairgrounds weaving in and out of entangled bumper cars, avoiding being bumped and generally improving their skills because the dodgems will soon be seen in shopping areas around Humberside!

A senior police officer explained to Jaggedone's star CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) crime reporter, Dodgy Dealer-Bootybag, why his police force are issuing dodgems to their officers and here it is!

"Well DDB, we have been inundated with morons on scooters doing daylight break-ins in our shopping centers on scooters and we feel hitting them with our latest high-speed dodgem cars would reduce crime by at least 75%! The only problem is, if shoppers get in their way and get bumped during our actions, but they are colorful, have huge bells, so that shouldn't be a problem!"

Punters at the fairground observing police officers practicing their "dodgy" driving skills complained because they wanted a ride and porky policeman kept nicking their cars and really should be out catching criminals instead of arsing around in dodgem cars!

However, as we all know fairground going Brits tend to be quite short-sighted, just like the Brexit result and, fail to understand that in the long run they're going to end up with a huge bumper full of scooter gangsters being thwarted by bumper cars filled with police instead of ending up in a criminal abyss like Brexit!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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