Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 6 October 2017

Embattled Prime Minister, Teresa May, has claimed she has "the full support of the cabinet" and the table and dining room chairs we guess.

Mrs May, who was sat on what looked like a tub of vipers, said:

"The country needs calm leadership and that's what I'm providing"

We weren't convinced as we'd just seen her sprinting through ASDA car park screaming "The end is nigh". The poor women looks like she would be out of her depth in a paddling pool. Looking quickly around like a terrified gazelle she began to claim insane things like:

"After my speech Brexit has got real momentum"

Like a truck with cut brakes hurtling towards the gaping mouth of isolationist chaos.

"I plan to help ordinary working families"

You're a fucking Tory the only thing you'd happily give ordinary families would be a court order to stay the fuck away from you.

"I think the conference was a success"

In the same way a drink driver ploughing into a school bus can be considered a success for anti-alcohol campaigners.

Mrs May's day got progressively worse when it turned out sentient rats anus Michael Gove had turned his puckered lips in her direction and voiced his support. Like a disabled fourteen year old been told she's Jimmy Savilles favourite amputee. The attention is neither warranted nor happily received.

Gove said the PM had "the complete backing of the cabinet" and that he hoped she "serves for a long time". One can only think it's because having May around actually makes Gove look slightly more human.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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