Written by Dante Liberatore
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Thursday, 28 September 2017

image for Sarah Palin's Face To Be Carved Into Mount Rushmore
Sarah Palin and her knockers celebrating her honor

America was stunned yesterday when the Tea Party members in Congress passed a bill that would make Sarah Palin's likeness the next to be carved into Mount Rushmore, allowing the former Vice-Presidential candidate to be forever immortalized on the South Dakota mountainside.

Sarah Palin, while scoring second to a harbor seal on an IQ test, was elated over the news.

"I always wanted to be up there in the fresh California air far away from the lame-stream media with the birds around my face as I tell them to 'drill baby drill' while fighting the unsustainable spending spree that Barack Obama was on towards the democratic-leaning spruce pines below..

But more importantly," the former Alaska governor added, "I'll be up there with Grant, Hoover and Babe Ruth with my head full of air as the great-great-great-grandchildren of Trump and his Trumpeters can look up and say 'wow' when a passing Airbus 747 and the passengers on them look down on Mount Kenmore thanks to the Creator as I enjoy the god-given honor to have my mind made of stone and boy-oh-boy we're just gonna make sure the commie National Park Service doesn't liberalize our liberty." 

Brenda Lee Bundt, a Tea Party activist, attributed the carving of Sarah Palin's face into Mount Rushmore to divine intervention.

"Jesus is clearly the force behind Sarah's face getting carved into the memorial," she said while putting on blue mascara, listening to a Reba McEntire CD and eating turkey jerky. "And the Lord will make sure the sculptors get her hair right."     
                         
Sarah's best friend, Edna Morris, also assigned Sarah's tribute to a higher power.

"God helped Sarah get her face on Mount Rushmore," she claimed while getting Michele Bachmann's autograph. "Just like He helped me get my daughter's entire soccer team into my Ford Windstar with enough room left over for a case of Jamba Juice."

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear," said Senator Bernie Sanders upon learning about Mount Rushmore's latest addition. "I will support this ridiculous travesty if Pee-Wee Herman is the next one up on Mount Rushmore - to support the new comical theme of the memorial." 

Regardless of what people think, Sarah Palin plans to celebrate her Mount Rushmore honor by visiting other national monuments.

"My 'Baby Mama Rushmore' tour is going to be a great little journey," she said while trying to figure out how the rearview mirror worked on her tour bus. "And I just can't wait to go to the Vietnam Memorial to honor those who died in World War I, give a big old salute to Honest Abe at the Washington Memorial and go shoe-shopping at The National Mall." 

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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