Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: UKIP, Nigel Farage

Sunday, 24 September 2017

Big Nige Farage is coming back! Not that he ever really went away because every time you hear a foreign accent in the street and think "why are you still here I voted Brexit" that's the little Farage in you.

After the blistering the success of UKIP Nigel is considering starting up another new party. As if to prove to everyone that this whole political game is fucking piss easy. Well it is when you feed into a nations fear and outright xenophobia and promise things you clearly have no intention of delivering.

The party will more than likely be called "The Good Old Days" party! Which is where most of Farage's supporters seem to think he'll take us if he gets a chance.

So what will be the aims of Farage's new political party? What are the goals? We at Back and to the Left news peered into our crystal ball (4/5s of a bottle of cheap TESCO whisky) and had a guess.

1. Bring back National Service and Hanging: There is no doubt that a large part of the country would get so sexually turned on at the idea of sending unwilling young men to war, that also allowing us to hang people at a moments notice may put them in a sexual coma.

2. Morris dancing classes for all: Do you remember the good old days when the only sport was proper good old British May Pole Morris dancing? When good old fashioned British white people had a great time and there was none of this political correctness? We'll bring it back.

3. We'll have a proper war! Not just against some poor desert country but we'll pick a fight with Europe again. Now we're out of the EU nothing can stop us. We will never surrender!

4. Take back the Empire: We let go and the worlds gone to shit! When we owned the globe there was none of this Islam Jihadding about, no "Middle East Crisis", no immigrants and no asylum seekers. None of it because we had a proper grip on the world and people knew their place. We'll get that back!

5. We'll get good proper British goods built in this country again: Things like Spitfires, bunting and commemorative Royal baby plates

So there you have it. Would you vote for this? Let's be honest you probably would.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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