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Friday, 8 September 2017

image for Conservative Party "ran out of human MPs years ago"
Thatcher will be spinning in her grave at this news - because she was also undead

An anonymous worker at Conservative Party HQ has admitted that there hasn't been a human Tory MP since 2001 when Lord Cockles died with an orange up his arse. Since then all Conservative politicians have been either reanimated corpses, robots, or Frankenstein-style monsters put together from various body parts.

The Maybot is perhaps the most obvious example of this. Originally programmed to be a sex slave robot for love-starved vicars, she somehow became Prime Minister. Unfortunately the limitations of her programming are painfully clear to everyone.

Boris Johnson is another interesting case - made from discarded body parts found in the Rochdale Circus Massacre, he is perhaps the most successful mishmash MP. He's not actually a clown but a recycled clown, with some ringmaster in him.

Brexit secretary David Davis was originally a giant stuffed teddy bear programmed to greet shoppers outside Tesco. His Brexit negotiating strategy was never part of his vocabulary, which may explain why he is struggling so much.

Then there are the undead. Jacob Rees-Mogg used to be a real politician - in the 1850s. He was successfully raised in 2005.

Chancellor Philip Hammond is one of many vampires in the blue party.

Then of course, there is Michael Gove, an undescribable slime monster from the planet Rectum.

When asked why no humans would represent them any more, a Tory official simply said, "I would have thought that was obvious."

Make Sir Geoffroy Cockface's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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