Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: Sex

Saturday, 5 August 2017

image for Putting a gun in "there" during "you-know-what" is not healthy claim sex experts!
You have been warned, sir or madam! Keep your pistol in your pants!

Sodom and Gomorrah, a Biblical fable where people did everything to enjoy their debauched lives is becoming a true story in one English town.

During kinky sex games a moronic, sex-mad maniac, pulled out a gun, and tried to "put it in" (ouch!). Luckily the thing was not loaded, but it caused enough damage for the poor young lady to end up in hospital! The idiot was arrested BTW!

Sex therapists in the UK are now advising certain limitations during kinky sex games and here are just a few of their suggestions:

A) Have a healthy diet; try: cucumber, banana, courgette, carrot. Avoid watermelon, unless you're feeling adventurous.
B) Do not peel a banana, it could end up being quite messy.
C) Do not use real handcuffs whilst locking your partner up! In a drunken, drugged haze you could lose the keys and you might need to call the fire brigade, very embarrassing; plastic toys ones are better!
D) Vegans being kinky should not use leather belts for whipping their partners, try organic bamboo, much better for the environment!
E) If you must have sex on the toilet, do not use bleach beforehand as a cleansing substance, it burns horrifically!
F) If you use recyclable bottles, make sure the barcodes are visible after removing or you could lose your deposit!
G) If you decide to use the tradesman's entrance, then make sure your partner has wiped correctly; could be very nasty if you eat junk food and non-organic garbage! OK, vegans have no problem here...
H) If you enjoy watching your partner during foreplay then make sure the curtains are closed, unless you want the neighbours to join in!
I) Dressing up as a sexy nun or catholic priest could be dangerous too, there might be a God after all!
J) Last not least; during kinky sex if your partner loves being strangled, do it with kid-gloves because you could end up in prison as a murderer, a place where kinky sex is replaced by not a very kinky experience at all - unless you believe all you saw in Big Stan.

So, there you have it dear Christians, and other religious believers; Sodom and Gomorrah did not turn to salt after all proving the Bible is a load of old "sodding" nonsense!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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