Written by tizmine
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Saturday, 16 December 2006

image for Tom Cruise to sue clinic for leg extension op blunder
A new tape measure may be in order

It was made official today that Academy Award winner Tom Cruise is to sue chique London cosmetic surgery clinic "Make Me Look Human Ltd." for £40m after bungling his leg extension operation, turning him from a 5 ft 4 in short arse into a 6 ft 5 in lanky yank.

The blunder is thought to have been caused by a dyslexic surgeon, when reading Mr Cruise's request notes before surgery. The surgeon, who is yet to be named, mixed up Mr Cruise's request to increase his height to 5 ft 6 in and instead, increased his height to 6 ft 5 in.

The star, who is meantime resting at his Californian home, is said to be completely devastated by the blunder and is struggling to come to terms with being able to speak directly to someone's face rather than shouting at their crotch. Workmen have been labouring all day at Cruise's mansion, increasing the doorframes to accommodate his height.

Cruise's UK legal representative, Mr John Ferrier, later stated to the press, "My client today, has lodged a law suit against "Make Me Look Human Ltd." for the sum of £40m. My client's career has been destroyed. He was due to star in a new film based around the original Snowhite and the Seven Dwarfs, where my client was to play himself as the long lost brother of the Seven Dwarfs. The film, that was to be called "Snowhite and the Seven and a half Dwarfs" was due to be filmed early next year."

Ferrier went on to say, "My Client is currently taking medical advice to ascertain if the operation can be reversed, and for his own safety I sincerely hope this can be achieved."

Speaking from their home in California, Cruise's latest wife Katie Holmes stated, "I feel so sorry for Tom and wished I'd never suggested him to have cosmetic surgery in the first place. At his height, he keeps banging his head walking through doors; where before, the only thing he ever banged his head on were people's knees."

She went on to add, "You can just imagine the damage that's being done to our ceilings when Tom jumps up and down on our sofas. I hope for Tom's sake the operation can be reversed."

Tom, himself went on the record to say, "I had the operation done on my current wife's suggestion. Katie had told me she wished I was of more average proportion and wanted me to be another 2 inches bigger, so I had the leg extensions done. I didn't realise at the time that she actually meant my penis."

Make Me Look Human Ltd. has currently suspended all human cosmetic surgery and are concentrating on their main area of business of dog walking and pet grooming.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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