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Topics: Theresa May, crying

Thursday, 13 July 2017

In a stunning revelation for scientists, tests have shown that the UK Prime Minister Theresa May actually has tear ducts and is capable of crying.

Mrs May is a member of the species Homo Conservativus, whose people had previously been thought incapable of weeping, empathy, or even that vaguely defined concept "being nice". Margaret Thatcher, who sprouted from the same egg sac, was notoriously insensitive, and didn't even weep while having her rectum waxed, leading to the notorious lachrymal riots of 1989.

Scientist Geoff Groin explained, "Although Mrs May is capable of crying, she shows a complete inability to use it appropriately. For example, she didn't cry at all at the recent terrible fire at Grenfell tower. However she has appeared to cry publicly now that everyone hates her and she is running out of options. Her tears are intended to draw sympathy, although they are unlikely to have that effect."

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