Written by T. Loaf
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Monday, 10 July 2017

While a varied assortment of hard and harmful elements were pitched and hurled in the direction of Hamburg policemen, cars burned and windows shattered, sporadic shouts from local residents such as "Oy, mind where you're chucking that manhole cover!" could be faintly heard amid the din of the aggressive mob and tactiturn protectors of our society, Prime Minister Theresa May relaxed and snuggled up close to other world leaders for their 'leaving' photo at the Hamburg G20 summit.

"I do enjoy this posing", she confirmed, sneaking a glance at the chaos on the streets outside. "I'm so pleased people find other things to get hot under the collar about, apart from Brexit. Good for them. I mean, this thing in Syria and, well, the Ukraine ....thing...... and that naughty boy in North Korea. And then all these trade things - bit complicated. Oohh, and the climate change thing. But then it's been raining quite a bit, so we've left that out really.

"It's nice to talk about serious problems for a change, though. It's been very entertaining.

"That wonderful Mr Putin - he has such strong shoulders - showed me his sports photos collection, and I exchanged plenty of ideas with Mr Trump's charming daughter about shoes and fashion.

"We've formed our own WhatsApp group to keep up on trends. And, do you know, Donald isn't as bad as the press make him out to be. He's just a bit boorish and clumsy. There's one in every family, don't you think? I like it here.

"No-one seems to want to speak to me too much, so I have time to read my magazines and text the gang back home. They'll all be enjoying their hard-earned hols. Especially poor old Boris. He's whacked. He's been through so much these past few months, poor man. But he's so thoughtful. He gave me a fidget spinner before I left, to make sure I don't get bored. They're quite good, really. Remind me of world leaders in a way. Useless machines designed to spin with little effort.

"Hmmmm, I must text that to Boris, he'll like that. I do wish this break could last just a little longer....."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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