Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Father's Day

Sunday, 18 June 2017

Today is a day every man dreads as today is Fathers Day. The only day in the year where kids you didn't even know you had, can turn up at your house and demand money. By law you must hand over said money with zero bitching. This is one of the many Fathers Day rules you don't yet know about but are about to find out about. From us. Cos we're great like that. So here are ten things you didn't know about Fathers Day

1. Originally called "No Cheese Sunday" in the 1400s as more parents administered more beatings to their children it grew into the celebration of fatherhood we love today.

2. In 1558 the King of Spain declared Fathers Day to be the only day of the year a parent could renounce ownership of their child. He promptly had his seven sons executed.

3. The first recorded death on Father's Day was Jim Shove (1987) who caught his arm in a wheat thresher and bled to death alone in a muddy field.

4. In Sweden it is illegal to cross a two laned road while walking backwards on Father's Day.

5. It is considered "bad form" to not let your father win at a board game if you play one on Father's Day. You may be challenged to a duel as a punishment.

6. In 1777 a British man tried to break the record for most leaches down his trousers. He died in horrible agony several leaches short of his target. This led to the Council of Bath being formed and the subsequent banning of leaches in trousers. Although the underground sport of leach baiting still continues in most Brexit voting villages.

7. Fathers in Nepal use the day as one of spiritual reflection and often commune together to share secrets about BBQ's

8. Do you think my dad ever wonders what I'm doing with my life?

9. Prisons in the DAR allow Fathers to go home for the day to see their families. This tradition has been criticised in recent years because of the upturn in murders and people not bothering to return to prison.

10. Father's Day in the US is the only day with no recorded mass shootings. Obviously there's been shootings (it's America) but no mass shootings.

Thanks to all the Fathers out there who at some point, found our mothers attractive enough to fuck them at least once. So tonight raise a glass to unprotected sex!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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