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Friday, 9 June 2017

image for Britain trolls another election
Voting gives citizens the illusion of control over the government, who actually roll dice to make key decisions

For the third year running, voters in the UK have been asked who they think should lead the country. For the third year running, they have replied "not them". The question of who they actually would like to run the country is still unanswered, but the voting pattern reveals a cynicism, cheekiness and indecisiveness which cannot easily be dismissed as random stupidity. Effectively the British public are behaving like an internet troll, thumping the government with votes while taunting "stop electing yourself".

Current Prime Minister and corpse Theresa May was heavily criticised for her often lacklustre attempts at gaining votes. However, she remains the most successful dead body to act as a politician since "Rotting" John Stiff became Foreign Secretary in 1925. Her speciality was tautological three-word soundbites such as "Brexit means Brexit", "Enough is enough" and the quickly forgotten "Elections elect the elected".

Opposition leader and part-time gnome Jeremy Corbyn did well in the election, largely due to his resemblance to well-loved geography teacher Mr Bumble from 1980 children's drama Teacher Kerfuffle. However, he was widely criticised by the right-wing press for appearing to care about the poor.

It is likely that the UK will have another election within the next two years. So who will win that one? There is only one sure answer - "not them".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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