Fourteen fire appliances attended at Buckingham Palace today as fire-fighters battled to control a major blaze on the top floor of Buckingham Palace, thought to be started by the Queen igniting one of her own bottom burps.
It took several hours to extinguish the blaze, which had started in the Queen's chambers, and the fire was brought safely under control before it spread through the remainder of the Queen's London residence.
After being interviewed by police and fire investigators, the Queen admitted that it was in fact her that made the explosion. The damage caused by the fire is believed to be in excess of £3m. The police were pondering whether to charge Her Majesty with wilful fire raising or reckless discharge of obnoxious gas with intent to cause annoyance.
Chief fire fighter at the scene, Joseph Wilson, stated to the press, "We attended a fire today at Buckingham Palace which we first believed to be an act of terrorism, but can confirm that our forensic investigators have categorically proven that the fire was consistent a with methane gas explosion caused by Her Majesty igniting her own fart. This has been backed up by assessing the scorch marks on her underwear."
He went on to add, "It had taken over two hours to bring the fire under control which had started in the Queen's chambers and I'm pleased to confirm there was no injury apart from His Royal Highness Prince Philip having his eyebrows burned off."
The police officer in charge of the investigation, Chief Inspector Roberts, stated, "We can confirm, that when questioned, Her Majesty The Queen, gave a full and frank confession and admitted to causing the explosion at the Palace by holding a lit match to her backside and breaking wind with as much force as she could muster and thus causing extensive damage throughout most of the top floor."
He went on to add; "We have decided to let Her Majesty off with a caution, on the condition that if she tries to light a fart again, she must not be within a mile radius of any building, people or wildlife. We have expressed to her the dangers of her flatulence, especially when letting rip near a naked flame and she has promised not to try this again until her next visit to Australia."
The myth that the Queen doesn't fart was well and truly busted today when an anonymous Palace insider stated, "The Queen over the last few years has developed an unhealthy addiction to vindaloo, onion bahji's and canned lager. We thought it was funny at first when she would let go a muffled guff, but this soon turned into rip-roaring blasts."
She went on to say, "I feel sorry for Prince Philip who no longer has any facial hair and the poor woman walking by at the time of the explosion when Her Majesty's scorched Marks & Spencer bloomers were blasted clean through the bedroom window, landing on her head."
Buckingham Palace now has a strict no smoking and no naked flame policy whilst The Queen is in residence.
When asked to comment on her fart lighting party trick, Her Royal Highness replied, "One dose not fart; One just simply blows awf!"
Prince Charles, immediately after the incident, caused his own sensation by publicly backing euthanasia.