A new combat force of highly trained prison pigeons is to be released around the walls of all UK prisons to combat illegal drones penetrating security because "pigs cannot fly" and prison officers neither!
The Pigeon force will attack drones buzzing around prison walls loaded with mobile phones, drugs, condoms and other things prisoners miss during incarceration. Their target is to crap all over the drones forcing them to land within prison grounds before they can fly into cells where desperate criminals waiting for a fix, ringing their missus, or a bit of protected "prison sex" (UUUGH!) catch them.
SAS and the RAF are helping training the pigeons hoping that they can be also taught to combat Kim Jong Un's missiles by dumping huge amounts of pigeon crap on the missile head forcing them to abort after launching.
UK prisoners have sworn to riot if drones are thwarted by pigeons, they feel it is an intrusion into their privacy, and modern prisons being what they are, wannabe holiday camps, it seems they have a case. However, the UK prison authorities are determined to stamp out drones flying freely in and out, and a prison spokesman quoted a famous Chinese proverb:
"Pigeons in the sky are worth more than smartphones on drones!"
As a sign of solidarity, Pink Floyd, are donating their flying pig in the sky to prisoners hoping it will ease their pain whilst feeling comfortably numb behind The Wall!