Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 14 December 2006

image for Suffolk Ripper is the new Polonium
Cock-a-*cough*-*cough* - Bird flu was soon forgotten

Ipswich - (Ass Mess): Journalists hunting the latest scare story to terrorise the UK have admitted that the Suffolk Ripper, as he/she is being called after five women were found murdered in the Ipswich area, may be the latest twist in the Polonium horror saga that has gripped the country.

Bad as it was, the threat of radioactive contamination by ex-KGB spooks waging a turf war on British soil was easily tolerated by the UK public once the death toll stabilised at just one Russian turncoat.

And the year's previous greats were hardly any less threatening considering that the August plot to blow up airplanes using liquid explosives masquerading as baby milk almost ruined the civil aviation industry as well as the holiday expectations of millions of hapless Britons.

Nor was the previous scare pandemic of imminent mass culling of millions of vulnerable citizens by way of avian flu contamination any less horrendous in its dire implications of Armageddon on our doorsteps.

But is this newfangled genre of the new journalese merely the predictable twists and turns of a Rovian fantasy that sold the phantom WMDs to a susceptible British audience way back in 2002?

As the Suffolk Constabulary's finest hunt the depraved savage(s) responsible for the latest carnage, and the Met's head of terrorism returns from his Moscow toxins probings, one defining question remains: just how scared does Blair have to get about that imminent 6am rap on the front door of No 10 from the cash-for-peerages cops for the public's stomach to be really and truly tested with the ultimate sick-bag scenario?

'The Duchess of Cornwall's Christmas Broadcast to the Commonwealth'? ...simultaneously on all five terrestrial channels, 25 December 2006?

Unless, of course, you know better.....

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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