Written by Tegid Gillott-Jones
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Topics: Pregnancy, CSA

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

image for Castration Called for to Curb Pregnancy Craze
Men who repeatedly impregnate teenagers will have their testicles confiscated

A dark shadow stalks modern British society as the new craze of teenage pregnancy becomes ever more popular. Teenage girls are no longer turning to the cheap thrill of alcopops, over the counter painkillers and heroin for their kicks but to a new more disturbing opiate, that of fetal development.

But what are the causes of this new teenage craze that is sweeping the country? Who are we to blame for the countless numbers of single mothers lurking in bus stops with their badly behaved babies?

John Hutton, Work and Pensions Secretary, has no doubt who is to blame. In a White Paper published today Hutton parks the blame squarely at the feet of the "irresponsible males whose sperm is largely to blame for the impregnation of many of our country's young females." The White Paper will set out the powers available to a new organization set up to punish fathers who have been reluctant to support their newly created, socially undesirable offspring.

In a statement to the press John Hutton announced that "men who repeatedly impregnate teenagers will have their testicles confiscated under new powers to be given to a newly formed body that will replace the now defunct Child Support Agency" (CSA). Since 1993 the CSA has failed to curb the increase in teenage pregnancy and has been unable to adequately punish fathers who are reluctant to pay the heavy paternity fines.

The charity Lone Parents R US said in an open letter to the Times today that it was "concerned men would be unwilling to have their testicles removed and may be driven underground where they would be harder to monitor."

The Conservatives welcomed the White Paper but have criticised the time it has taken to introduce new legislation. Tory leader David Cameron said today that "the Government should have acted sooner to confiscate the testicles of those men who deem it necessary to repeatedly fertilize the opposite sex which only acts to encourage this new fad among dispossessed teenage girls."

In response the Labour Party leadership has criticised the way the CSA was originally set up in 1993; pointing out that it was the unwillingness of John Major's Government to accept castration as a viable option that has directly lead to this current crisis.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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