Written by Breeze
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Tuesday, 19 December 2006

image for Uri Geller's penis nominated for Academy Award
Mr Penis was brilliant in the movie - Williams

Uri Geller's cock was celebrating last night after it was announced that he is to be nominated for an Academy Award.

The pint sized star, speaking from the Ambassador hotel in New York, told our reporter, "It's a dream come true for me. To be in a Hollywood movie with Robin Williams and Emma Thompson was great but to be nominated for an award is just unbelievable."

Co-star Williams added, "Mr Penis was brilliant in the movie. It's been a long time since I worked with an artist who displayed such versatility and had such command of his craft."

Critics are already hailing Geller's penis as the new De Niro and it has been confirmed that Steven Speilberg has signed him up for his next blockbuster movie, a remake of War of the Worlds.

"I wanted to remake War of the Worlds because Tom Cruise was shite the last time I done it." Mr Speilberg told us from the downmarket brothel we found him in.

Mr Penis famously parted company with Uri Geller at the 2006 Children in Need's 'wankathon', but while his star is in the ascent, Mr Geller's has declined.

The former spoonbender was sacked from his job with shopping channel QVC after allegations of theft and faced further humiliation last week when he was evicted from the squat he was living in.

Looking scruffy and unshaven, he told our reporter today, "I'm really pleased for Mr Penis, I tried to phone him last night and congratulate him but the pips went before I could speak.

"You haven't 10p for a cuppa have you?." he added before offering to bend a fork in exchange for a bottle of cider.

"I can do it you know, I've still got it." he said.

As he shuffled off to his Salvation Army home, the fork,unlike Mr Geller, remained unbowed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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