A lorry of 300 moth-ridden suits bound for the UK has been seized by customs officials in Calais. Investigators were surprised to find that the cheap garments were destined for the wardrobe of Nigel Farage, who famously wears a different grey suit every day before throwing it away.
The clip-on clothes were made of rat fur and glue, and had been assembled in an unknown South Asian location. As a result, they posed a serious health risk and failed to pass EU regulatory standards. They were in the process of being tested for bubonic plague.
The former UKIP leader was unavailable for comment, but his spokesman attacked EU "red tape" for preventing the dodgy politician from getting his year's supply of clothes. He added, "Once we've left the EU, there'll be cheap suits like this for everyone." He refused to say how much the bargain basement rags cost.