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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

image for UK chancellor unveils thrilling but hard-hitting budget
The Spoof delivers the most detailed budget analysis on the whole Interwebs

Today, the UK chancellor of the exchequer revealed his budgetary plans for the country for the next year. It was widely anticipated, since it must take into account Brexit and the surprisingly good performance of the British economy in the last year.

Many economists and fans of financial news were waiting desperately to hear what was announced, wondering which taxes were increased and which were decreased, and where the focus of government spending would be different in the next year. All of this news, and more, was delivered by the chancellor within a battered old red briefcase called Simon.

The briefcase has appeared as a guest star in many films, including the 2016 flop Rats In A Briefcase, which featured the comic talents of Adam Sandler as Graham the Rat. Graham and his dysfunctional family struggle to survive as they escape the beefworks in the aforementioned briefcase. Finally they manage it by posting the briefcase into a mailbox, which was fortunately fetched by a postman before the dastardly Dickderp the Satanic Hound could discover them.

That particular film was Adam Sandler's first film in which he voiced all of the characters - not only the animated rodents but actually dubbed the live actors as well. He was due to be nominated for an Oscar for his versatility, but his performance was judged to be "under par" and he was once again ignored by the Academy.

Unbelievably, Sandler was once voted Most Punchable Face by readers of Film magazine. Nevertheless, who could deny his impressive talent. He has starred in so many films that even if every single one of them was complete crap, if you put them all together and forced somebody to watch them without paying, who is to say you wouldn't squeeze at least a millisecond of enjoyment from that person before they died of thirst. Although admittedly, delusional apparitions are a common side effect of dehydration.

Yes, it truly was a fascinating budget.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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