Written by Bob Muppet
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Tuesday, 12 December 2006

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Soap operas are simply too intellectually challenging

Coronation Street's most accomplished actor has allegedly quit the show because of allegations that T.V. bosses have been deliberately dumbing down the programme.

Sir Ken Barlow, who has been in the gritty soap opera since its inception in 1960, made the shocking announcement immediately after being knighted by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Granada T.V. executives apparently plan to reduce the programme to three 5 minute episodes a week because they claim that the average viewer is so thick that this is the maximum they can assimilate.

This follows on from record damages of $2million awarded by a Los Angeles court to a soap opera viewer who claimed that his brain had been irreparably damaged by watching a soap that was too intellectually challenging.

Other cast members of Coronation Street are believed to be considering their positions following the dumbing down proposals because they believe that it is an attempt to clear the soap opera of its veteran actors.

Sir Ken, who is famous for his voracious on-screen appetite for pretty women, was unavailable for comment, but a 'street' insider intimated that the whole episode had left him completely drained.

Speaking from their Manchester studios, a Granada spokes person confirmed that some minor changes were planned in the new-year, but that details were not yet finalised.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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