Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Topics: Camilla

Saturday, 25 February 2017

image for Duchess Of Cornwall Uses Horse Whispering Skills To Talk Down Maniacal Robert Irwin
The nut doesn't fall far from the tree...

Robert Irwin, son of deceased and crazed Australian naturalist Steve Irwin, had to be put under a spell of some sort by the Duchess Of Cornwall after he released venomous snakes at a black tie charity event in London.

The Duchess is well known for her horse whispering skills and apparently used them on Irwin to prevent any further catastrophe at the Saturday night charity ball.

It started when Irwin accidentally released some extremely venomous black mambas in the Montcroft Hotel's Regal Ballroom at a charity event for Animal Protectors Everywhere (APE). Soon after the ball began, a deadly black mamba crawled up the pant leg of Prince Andrew, and that was just the beginning of the spectacle.

Brenda Stoutwell and her husband Nigel both attended the ball and saw the events unfold. Mrs. Stoutwell spoke to this reporter outside of the Montcroft's ballroom in London.

"We all thought he [Prince Andrew] was making an off color joke when he calmly said a snake had crawled up his trousers, but he kept insisting more and more loudly until people around him thought he and Fergie, who was also in attendance, were having a row. But then a woman in the ballroom started screaming 'snake' and that's when Irwin realized what had happened and he started shouting too. He ran up with these mongooses--or are they mongeese--anyway, that young Irwin fellow insisted if everyone stood absolutely still the mongeese would retrieve the snakes with no harm done to human or animal, well of course at that point the crowd broke into absolute pandemonium until the Duchess stepped in."

Security cameras confirm the account given by Stoutwell and the other witnesses: The grainy video shows that just as Irwin was about to release the mongooses on the terrified crowd of donors and guests, the Duchess of Cornwall calmly walked up to Irwin, blew in his face and stroked the back of his neck while whispering in his ear. The stunned crowd watched as Irwin froze then relaxed his grip on the mongooses which were seized by two Metropolitan Police agents who appeared out of nowhere, then a third agent shot Irwin with a tranquilizer dart.

Scant attention has been paid to Irwin's condition since the episode, but he is believed to be recovering at the McGillicutty Psychiatric Centre in Dillonshire, meanwhile, APE spokesperson Lisa Gilbert released a statement to a public clamoring for information on the welfare of the animals.

"We are happy to say all the animals, including the hedgehogs found in Mr. Irwin's pants pockets, were retrieved and are safe and sound with their respective owners. No person was harmed by the snakes or mongooses, though there were a few fainting spells and panic attacks among our guests."

The story has boosted the prospects of the newly formed APE and donations to the animal rights group have so far exceeded expectations since the charity ball.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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