Days after the tragic 'wankathon' accident which has left paranormalist Uri Geller fighting for his life, doctors claim that, although there is not much they can do for him, his penis will pull through.
The relief was palpable amongst the huge crowd of well wishers who thronged outside St Guy's hospital in London, as a prepared statement was read out by Geller's agent.
"Although we may lose Uri," he said, "The good news is that his penis will survive and for that we must be grateful"
Some fans wept with joy at the news and many others held up banners proclaiming "Uri's Knob Forever." and "Getta Wella Gella's Fella!"
Terry Wogan, who had hosted the tragic 'wankathon' event as part of the BBC's 'Children in Need' charity drive, said today, "It's sad that it is not looking good for Uri but, to be honest, for years his cock has been a much bigger draw than he has. While Uri was opening supermarkets and appearing on 'I'm a Celebrity', his penis has been appearing on 'Question of Sport' and 'Have I got News for You'. There's no doubting which is the bigger star."
'Deal or no Deal' star, Noel Edmonds who rushed to Gellers aid and was then spotted rifling trough his pockets and stealing his boots, said today, "Of course I feel bad for Uri but at least his pecker will continue to give people pleasure. Let's face it, he's been washed up for years."