Written by Jaggedone
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Monday, 13 February 2017

image for Scottish council plant trees on football field!
Celtic and Rangers fans would rather watch trees growing than watch footy!

It seems that football (the round ball type for our US readers) in Scotland has become so boring local councils in the country have started turning football pitches into tree-growing areas!

One council, Aberdeenshire, planted several trees on their local pitch which, amateur teams use for games, after observing that supporters were not really interested in watching matches anymore.

The council did a survey asking locals why their interest had waned and here are their answers:

Jock McGoo, an alcoholic Rangers supporter all his life gave this answer:

"Aye laddie, we don't watch local games anymore because Celtic, the bastards are 37 points clear in the league, so what's the point?"

Wee Wilie McMacdough, another staunch Rangers and piss artist fan gave a similar answer:

"Aye laddie, I'd rather watch frigging trees grow than watch Celtic waltz all over the rest, damn Catholics shoot the bastards!"

A loyal Celtic supporter and another total piss artist (normal condition for Scottish males of most ages) also gave his reason for losing interest in footy; Angus McTurd, lifting a liter bottle of Scotch to his cracked lips said:

"Aye Laddie, it's so fucking boring winning all the time I'm sick ta death of the game so what's the point at watching the beautiful game at grass roots level with these whinging Rangers bastards!"

A local pitch battle ensued on the pitch as Celtic and Rangers fans eyeballed each other between the trees!

"Aye Laddies, fuck football an a fighting you bastards, I need a jimmy (wee for our US readers) and this frigging tree will do!" Angus screamed taking the wind out of the hooligan, Ranger's fans sails (plenty of that and them in Scotland too).

Well there you have it; the state of the UK's national game at grass roots level in Bonny Scotland: Fans would rather piss up trees and watch them grow before raising their kilts in honor of their famous rivals, Rangers and Celtic, because they're just too frigging boring, Laddie!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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