Written by Backandtotheleft
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Wednesday, 11 January 2017

A pesky rodent that had been terrorising the set of semi popular morning show "This Morning" has been caught. However Philip Schofield is still at large and truly capable of being a dick all on his own.
The mouse, which is estimated (by us) to be 37 years old, was caught after a three day sting operation costing the tax payer £1.25million.

The mission would have succeeded earlier if Schofield hadn't kept eating all the bait. This resulted in Schofield being rushed to hospital on two separate occasions due to ingesting rat poison.

Once producers understood that the "vermin" the crew were talking about weren't just the lice in Schofield's hair they decided to do something about it. The vermin not the lice.

The mouse was eventually caught and despite Schofield wishing to eat it was released into the wild. Where it was promptly hit by a truck and instantly killed. The internet immediately started a petition calling for more rodents to be poured into the This Morning studios as they were more interesting than Schofield's banter.

Our critics might say that we haven't produced a piece of news here but merely sat at home and watched "This Morning". Then used our influential position to pour scorn on a bloke who we dislike for some unknown reason and to those people we say....you're probably right.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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