Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Diana death mystery: the butler did it
The investigation so far has drawn many conclusions, each one more different than the last

London - (Ass Mess): Financial analysts in the City of London have expressed astonishment that despite the weakness of the dollar versus the pound sterling, a huge wall of American money has been wagered on UK spread betting sites offering favorable odds on the ex-royal butler to Princess Diana - Paul Burrell - being charged with her murder when the official police cover-up is published later in the week.

British conspiracy theorists had previously predicted a tidy fortune pay-out in time for Xmas on a range of predictable villains being named including Charles, Camilla and any one of the four hundred and twenty six or so former lovers that the Princess admitted to shagging during her empty, loveless marriage.

But now it appears that her self-publicising Rock and Hard-place Paul Burrell may have been the mastermind behind Diana's shocking death in the Eurotunnel on August Bank Holiday 1997.

Leaked copies of the official police report that is to be published on Thursday show that Burrell had taken out a huge life insurance premium on the Princess just days before her fateful holiday with Dodo Fired. And that ex-Tory treasurer and perjury jailbird Jeffrey Archer had lent him the money to do it.

So far there has been no comment from the betting sites that are now groaning with US punters' money.

But Cluedo enthusiasts the world over recently caused an internet bottle-neck by jamming web search engines with the variants 'butler' 'Diana' 'death' and 'probability theory'.

Watch this space later this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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