Written by T. Loaf
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Friday, 11 November 2016

If nothing else, Donald Trump's election has at least proven a godsend for the bricks and mortar industry. Walls are in....so to say.

In the wake of America's intention to erect a wall along its border to Mexico, Britain's Prime Minister, Theresa May, has declared she will do the same around the coast of Britain, and is hoping for a considerable discount from masonry moguls and brick-wall builders.

"The Mexico-USA border is around 2,000 miles, and the coastline of Britain is also around 2,000 miles. We could go for a 2 for 1. I always do that at Sainsbury's, I'm sure those nice wall companies will oblige."
Trump immediately voiced support for the idea. "A cute businesswoman that May...2 for 1 ... I like it. Maybe I'll appoint a Minister of State for Walls".

Walls are becoming popular on the domestic front, too. Compounds and fencing are changing the face of British housing complexes.
"It's crazy." said an enclosure expert, "People are now building a home and then buidling a huge wall around it. Fencing is often not enough. Walls eliminate visibility. That's what people want. You can't look out and you can't look in. Can't see anything. People are simply yearning to be destitute of vision."

But things can get out of hand. Matthew Clement was arrested in Chingford this week for building a wall around his mother-in.-law. "I just felt..we've got to protect ourselves," explained Clement, "I want my country back...er...I want my peace and quiet back...So a wall is...well...fair do...innit".

A mortar dealer welcomed the development. "Solid walls are magnificent structures. You can't push them down and they hide the truth, which can be painful. And you can sit on them. You can't sit on a fence..unless you're in the Labour party of course..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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