Written by IainB
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Monday, 24 October 2016

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In an effort to prevent all of the issues with British Summer Time ending, the government will be introducing a new phased two step change to the system.

Instead of the clocks changing by one hour on one day, there will now be two days where the clocks change by half an hour. After a few years, this will be altered to a four step process of quarter of an hour, ultimately culminating in each day being either fifteen seconds shorter or longer than the day before by the year 2140.

This year will be the last time that one whole hour is removed from the clock on one day. Amber Rudd, the British Home secretary said:

"This whole spring forward fall back, malarkey, or is it spring back and fall forward? Anyway, it's all too confusing for people. We need to streamline and simplify it, making it more incremental."

There are several problems with the system, including the sudden onset of darkness when leaving for work in the morning, extra tired people have more accidents, cause more road congestion and miss more trains than on any other day of the year, not to mention the nocturnal animals used to crossing quiet roads suddenly having to remember to look both ways and cross while listening. Add to this the time taken to adjust all the clocks and watches in a modern house, and an extra two hours are wasted every year, especially with the annoying clocks and watches that can only change the time forwards when you need to remove an hour.

"It's fall forward," said Rudd. "I've remembered now."

This new system comes into force next year, so for the last time, don't forget to put your clocks forward on the last Sunday in October.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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