Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Police, Public, panic

Saturday, 15 October 2016

image for Killer Sock Puppets: The Return
Not a sock puppet

An update in the horrific Sock Puppet Terrorisation (SPT) craze that has been sweeping two coastal towns. Police raided an address in Aldbourgh last night and confiscated over £50 in sock puppet making technology. No one was at the property but officers said "they were hot on the heels of the owners".

Over twenty mismatched pairs of socks, a small bag of googly eyes and nearly 3L of glue were seized at the property.

Since we first reported on these attacks the incident rate has increased by 4.6% it's almost like the perpetrator is trying to send us a message. A message that perhaps we're getting to close to the truth? We're not sure. You really have to spell it out for us to get any hint of what's going on.

Despite the seizers people are still understandably nervous over the incidents and one man was arrested after he started a fight with a sock filled washing line he thought was about to molest him.

The police are urging calm and a spokesman spoke:

Look will everyone just chill out. There's no need for people to go round attack innocent socks just because they look like they could turn into a sock puppet at any given moment. We need some perspective on this-

Before he could finish a voice form the back of the assembled reporters shouted "He's a sock sympathiser" and he was dragged from the stage before his fellow officers could help him.

Things are starting to get out of hand and it's only a matter of time before someone really gets hurt.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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