Written by KendoMonkey
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Topics: Jesus, Westminster

Monday, 1 December 2003

Westminster Cathedral's latest stained-glass addition to its west wing, has been stoned and destroyed by a group of rabble Christians. They describe an "ungoldy erection" poking from the cloth of Jesus in a portrayal of a "feet cleansing" scene.

"It's absolutely revolting," said Mary Calms, rabble spokesperson. "I can't believe it's happened. The scaffolding's only just gone down and what has been revealed! It's too disturbing to speak to you any longer. And I've still got a few big stones left to throw."

Arty Fellows, the Stained Glass creator protested the claims:

"It's not an erection, it's a shoe-horn! Y'see, I imagined that Jesus would need to prise some of the disciples out of their shoes...a tough job at the best of times. So I made sure, for authenticity's sake that Jesus had a shoe-horn in his pocket."

Westminster's "personnel of the cloth" were unavailable for comment, although by listening through key-holes we did hear a lot of sniggering.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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