Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 29 July 2016

image for Early Release (and we're not talking about premature ejaculation )
Several Bears Have Been Released To Hunt DOwn The Convicts

The number of prisoners released in "error" is at an all time high according to statistics released by Westminster today.
65 inmates were released due to "clerical" and "official" errors but the majority were released due to bathroom windows being left open.

We stood outside HMP Revolving Door and spoke to some of the prisoners coming out.

Hatchet Harris said: It's great! I got 78 years and only served three weeks.

Mike "pants down" Wheeler (the infamous Salisbury flasher) said grinning: It's like all my dreams have come true. Except that one where I flashed those nuns and rubbed my arse on a Priest. By the way which directions the nearest convent?

And Saul "Slugger" Mckenzie came out with: Blarghhhhhhhh!

He hadn't spoken proper English since he removed all his own teeth and tongue with a pair of pliers.

But not everyone was happy with the Governmental cock ups. Career criminal John Bosh (of Bish! Bash! Bosh! Fame) said: It's a disgrace. These young uns don't know how to be a crook anymore, don't know how to do hard time anymore. They get their Playstations and then twenty minutes later...Bang! Their released. Do you know what we used to call a "Playstation?" the smallest guy in the cell block. How can you teach someone the value of not getting caught when you release them early anyway? Worlds gone soft."

Conservative MP Rodger Digglesby said about the whole saga: We're not really too concerned down here. We've made sure all those prisoners have been released up North. Where they'll all fit right in.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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