Written by Backandtotheleft
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Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Arsenals latest "win a all expenses paid long term holiday" winner is giant defensive liability Per Mertesacker, accepting the honour by picking up a injury in the meaningless friendly against Lens.

Arsenals injury record, which is occasionally the length of the Sommes, is a source of pride for the team. With Danny Welbeck, Jack Wilshire, Santi Carzola, Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade Chamberlain, Tomas Rosicky, Mikeal Arteta and Alexis Sanchez all collecting it last year.

The beauty of the award is that anyone at the club is eligible to win it now Abu Diaby has left and the camaraderie shown by the players as Per was stretchered from the field was obvious. Walcott and Chamberlain applauded their colleagues efforts and simultaneously tried to kick each other hard enough so that they could join in.

Full time hospital patient and part time footballer Jack Wilshire said: It's commendable from Per to get injured before the season even starts. Normally that's my job! I'll have to break my neck or something in the opening game to top this.

Walcott (who has spent more time in hospital beds than most chemotherapy patients) said: We obviously hope Per recovers quickly as without him our defence occasionally looks competent. I've already started sending abusive text messages to (Stoke Cities) Glenn Whealan. I'm hoping to wind him up enough so he breaks both my legs!

They high fived and each broke a finger. At the time of going to press they were expected to be out for 4 and 10 months respectively

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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