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Topics: Parliament, UK, Brexit

Saturday, 16 July 2016

image for New British government unveiled
Britain voted for "fuck off" by a narrow margin

After weeks of chaos following the referendum on whether Britain should tell the rest of the world to fuck off or not, the dust has finally settled. A new UK government is in place and ready to go ahead with implementing "fuck off".

Under new prime minister Bargaret Snatcher, "off"-ers have a significant role in the cabinet, and a new ministry has been created for International Contempt. This replaces the now-disbanded ministry for International Arrogance. Their former head, Simon Smarm, has complained that the new ministry will do little to show how much better Britain is than the rest of the world. He added that in recent years, some foreign countries have even begun to stop looking up to the UK.

There has been a shake-up at the Ministry of Isolationism too, with prominent "off" campaigner and notorious loose cannon Jethro Spoon heading the department. No doubt many will be breathing a sigh of relief that he will be focusing on internal affairs and probably not leaving the country, giving him few opportunities for making the outrageous comments towards foreigners he has become famous for.

A new ministerial post has been created within Isolationism, the Minister for Fucking Off. This role will also go to an "off" campaigner, Jill Bag, whose controversial statements on people born outside the home counties have made her unpopular even within the UK. It is thought she may attempt to propose another referendum which will tell Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the North of England to fuck off.

The new Secretary of Propaganda is Herman Grunt, close friend of newspaper magnate Vernin MacVelly, whose tabloids The Scum and The Daily Moron campaigned heavily for "off". It is likely that particular seedy section of the media will now turn its attention to ensuring that the huge numbers of people who voted "off" are fed regular updates that Britain is somehow a better place now that it is literally fucking off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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