Written by Duff
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Topics: Sex, Supermarkets, Retail

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

image for Every Little Helps: Retail Giant takes on Sex Sector
Every little helps

It looks like the gloves will soon be off in the world of shopping for sex as retail giant Tescoses is set to take on filthy dirty old hoor Anne Summers.

In a surprise move this afternoon the retailer has announced plans to open a sex section beside its drinks department in all of its stores. A spokesman told The Spoof:

"Well we're into everything else so why not sex? It makes sense when you think about it really. It will drive what's now a seedy back street trade into the mainstream and if it goes well we've plans to augment the range with hardcore porn as well"

Radical cleric, Seamus Always, who likes to stick an oar in whenever he gets a chance, is holding a vigil outside the Swindon branch of Tesco in an attempt to dissuade them from carrying out their latest plan. He commented:

"It's a feckin disgrace so it is. The dirty bunch of heathen feckers! Feck them anyway! God forgive my language.

"I'd say that Tesco would want to think carefully before they send their senior management and staff to damnation and eternal suffering in the firey pits of hell"

Anne Summers was said not to be too pleased about the latest development.

"It's just typical of these big bastards. They will be responsible for shutting down local sex shops and porno mag places up and down the land if they get their way. Is that what Britain really wants?

Just look at what they've done to butchers and fruit and veg shops. It's the thin end of the wedge and if they're allowed to do this then we'll be next" said Anne (25).

Anne's comment remided us of that song "If you tolerate this then your children will be next" by the Manics, although their full name is The Manic Street Preachers to be precise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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