Written by Jaggedone
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Wednesday, 8 June 2016

image for Brexit for ex-Pats living in Europe means: Double Dutch!
To Brexit or not to Brexit? Before you vote cancel your cheap package holiday to Spain!

Many ex-pats living in and enjoying the freedom offered by being members of the much maligned European Community are slightly worried at the rather strange behaviour of their compatriots residing on the island.

It seems that many Brits over there have forgotten several aspects of being disjointed from the rest of Europe and here are just a few:

1) Your sunshine, cheap package holidays in Spain, Italy, France, Greece, Portugal, etc. Will now mean journeys to hell before you reach the paradise beaches of your still European neighbours! You will, from the 24th of June, join every other nation on the planet, apart from EU members, in nightmare queues at every single airport from the Algarve to Andalucia to Sicily to Corfu! The only places you will be made welcome are the Turkish Riviera, a lovely cockroach all-inclusive holiday with Russian comrades fighting for breakfast every morning. Egyptian bomb-shelled Dead Sea resorts, Tunisia Terrorist Territory, or a Syrian Ancient temple tour with ISIL fighters giving you all a wonderful welcome hand or head! I believe Ryanair and Easyjet offer cheap flights to the last destination offering free bullet-proof vests and tin helmets instead of scratchcards and crap snacks!

2) The moment you arrive in Calais for your border free trip through France to the Costa Brava, Costa Blanca, cotes D Azur, Rimini or other wonderful, sunny European destinations, you will all be confronted with French Douane officiasl determined to delay your visit to Europe by putting you in misery filled massive traffic jams on every border point because your wonderful British number plate will be noted whilst Dutch, Germans, etc, fly by! So please plan 3 extra days for your European adventure or stay in GB, face the rain, floods, storms and freezing cold North Sea waters; your paradise on earth!

3) Greetings to all Brits who work for BMW, Mercedes, Japanese car manufacturers and other international, global players resident on the island who believe in a unified Europe! Do not call me when you collect your unemployment benefits!

4) Thank you all Brexit fans for plunging all of your ex-pat comrades into a situation where we will all have to apply for work visas, resident visas and broken marriages because we Brits have no right of abode anymore in the countries of our choice; you are all wonderful! I also hope you will remain forever on the island of your dreams (my nightmares), and do not bother to join me for a lovely drop of Vino Tinto on the wonderful sunny beaches in viva Espana! Enjoy your over-priced English pints of piss during miserable English summers, and be careful not to drown in them when the perennial floods appear!

By the way, as a True Brit myself, I have just applied for Scottish nationality, at least they are showing some common sense!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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