Smokers and drinkers of Britain were raising a glass to Gordon Brown today as he relaxed the duty on cigarettes and alcohol in last nights budget.
"It's time the people of Britian were given a break," slurred a clearly inebriated Chancellor, "and we targeted some other poor sods."
Mr Brown, wearing a 'kiss me quick' hat and smelling strongly of alcohol was speaking from No. 10 where the post budget festivities were in full swing.
"After a lot of thought, we've decided to put a tax on those people who really contribute nothing to our society, the elderly and infirm."
In a radical departure from tradition, Brown revealed plans to hit the over sixty-fives and anyone with an incurable disease.
As music from popular girl band 'Atomic Kitten' thundered out of No.10, the Prime Ministers right hand man told reporters, "We aim to get the Diabetics, terminally ill, the elderly and the unemployed and just tax the shit out of them."
Mr Brown, holding a tin of Fosters and being propped up by a policeman, also revealed plans to reduce waiting time in hospitals by issuing doctors with cattle prods and the introduction of euthanasia for anyone complaining of feeling 'a bit woozy'.
"That'll sort the malingering bastards out," he laughed before adding, "I'll have to go now, the strippers have arrived."