Written by T. Loaf
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Tuesday, 26 April 2016

"The moral crusade for racial equality is ongoing here in Britain", said Obama, "I mean, you've never had a black Queen."

Barack Obama's comments during his visit to the UK concerning Britain's multi-cultural record clearly flummoxed the Prime Minister, and almost everyone attending the press conference in Downing Street. Cameron chuckled, assuming the President was jesting. But he wasn't. The room turned silent.

"Well," replied the Prime Minister, "in fact, the Royal Pigment Division at Clarence House is working round the clock on that one," he lied, "and you mustn't forget our most valuable stamp, the Penny Black. Also, we have changed all school text books so that we now refer to the 'Coloured Death' of the 14th century and not the Black Death", he continued with nonchalant mendacity.

Obama appeared unimpressed. "The only non-whites I see here are bus drivers and newsreaders."

"Pivotal to our society", interrupted Cameron. "Precisely that. And if I may say so, Mr President, hark at the pot calling the kettle...well...coloured. Need one look further than your abode? In fact, our newsreaders are mostly from Dunfermline or Glamorgan. Our identity is more linguistic than skin shade. Our country welcomes all those who are weak and heavy-laden, irrespective of origin. This nation upholds égalité as a fundamental principle of its social mores. That's something I learnt at Eton. Ethnic stereotyping is non-existent within our shores. And skin colour is completely irrelevant, unless you need a cream. There is no need to wallow in the valley of despair, no matter what the colour of your skin or your hair. I have a dream today, that our children and grandchildren and their grandchildren's children and great grandchildren, and cousins, will be of mottled complexion and will roam the hills of this proud nation hand in hand, arm in arm, cheek to cheek, free at last, on their path to Carlisle..... Sorry...perhaps we should move on...."

"Only kiddin', David", retorted Obama, "only kiddin'".....but the Prime Minister was now robin red.....

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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