Written by T. Loaf
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Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Councillors at Farnham, Surrey have leaked data relating to local senior citizens caught on CCTV cameras, guilty of jaywalking. Though not immediately linked to the 'tax laundering' techniques revealed in the Panama Papers scandal, where the rich get, well, even richer - for the local borough, the severity of the crime involved in the Farnham Frames is a very serious matter.

"You have to nip things in the bud. Farnham is a penalty-haven for people crossing a red light. It's becoming an epidemic", said Councillor James Walley. "And 95 per cent of culprits are old enough to know better. Thousands of folk with Zimmer frames have been captured on film. Yes, we know who they are, and we're gonna get 'em, so they better run...or, well move a bit quicker. We hope that by exposing them, we can cause shame and plenty of gossip, as with the Panama Papers, but in Surrey..."

Sheila Will, 97, admitted her tendency to 'jump the gun'. "It's precautionary, really. I'm not sure I'd make it across during the red period, so I start a little earlier... Of course, I look right and left first. Motorists are friendly and stop when they see me, and I think they wave. I always try to wave back. My friend, Marjorie, usually has some biscuits handy, but most drivers seem in a bit of a rush.....except the buses....I prefer Zebra crossings...always have..."

"The Panama Papers have inspired us to go public with our Farnham Frames. Perhaps it's a different dimension, but the principle's the same", explained Councillor Walley.

Ms. Will went on: "If they can't make the red period longer, they should narrow the roads. Bad planning as usual. I didn't vote for 'em.."

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