Written by Jack Bromby
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Friday, 18 March 2016

image for Man moans on Twitter about trying to write shopping list while shooting takes place outside

32 year old Simon Smith of Moss Side, Manchester has moaned about trying to write his shopping list as gang members shoot each other directly outside his house.

Average resident Mr Smith took to Twitter to 'tell off' local gang members Kid Lowride, of the Gooch Gang in Moss Side and Grandaddy Ice of the Pepperhill Mob as they shot at each other with handguns outside his house and asking them to "keep it down" as he "worked" in his kitchen trying to figure out how many packets of PG Tips tea bags he needed.

Mr Lowride and Mr Ice, both former HMP Forest Bank residents were reportedly arguing about drug turf in the Moss Side area and decided to settle the argument by means of a duel, otherwise known as pistols at dawn.

It is not known which side won the battle.

In his tweet Mr Smith wrote: "Trying to write my shopping list, despite noisy mob fighting outside my house. Keep it down please @GoochGang."

But the tongue-in-cheek tweet was - rather inevitably - met with a total lack of sympathy on social media.

One tweeter responded saying it's his own fault for living in the area and that he should have foreseen, or at least considered the possibility that this would happen while he was writing his shopping list, before he decided to live there.

Mr Smith will be carrying out his shopping trip next week on Monday, March 21st at an undisclosed Greater Manchester branch of Tesco.

We attempted to contact Mr Smith but he could not be reached for comment. It has been reported from an insider that Mr Smith has added noise-cancelling earphones and body armour to his shopping list as a result of the loud noise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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