Written by Jack Bromby
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Friday, 18 March 2016

image for North East to observe a minute??'s silence for victim family suffering austerity who had to cancel Sky subscription

A one minute silence across the North East will be held tomorrow in observation of the loss of a family from Teesside who had to cut their Sky TV subscription due to austerity.

As a result, Dan Matthews of Middlesbrough will no longer be able to follow his favourite team in the Premier League, his wife Mary will no longer be able to watch CSI and his son Richard will no longer be able to watch Game Of Thrones.

We have been told that donations via PayPal and by collection bucket in the local church are being accepted.

We contacted Mr Matthews for comment and he told us: "The loss we have suffered is almost immeasurable.

"The lost programmes are so many that our typical week of viewing has now been ruined, this lunchtime it reached a low when I found myself forced to watch "Bargain Hunt", it wasn't even interesting or entertaining, or even informative despite what the students from the local college say.

"I have been reduced to logging on to torrent sites and begging for files."

Bargain Hunt is shown at the same time as when NCIS would normally be on Sky 1.

In light of the situation faced by the Matthews family, a petition has been launched to bring support to the many families across the UK who are suffering without a subscription to the award winning satellite television service.

Mr Matthews continued: "The only channel we have remaining from Sky itself now is Pick, Pick! imagine that, no human should have to suffer that sort of low budget TV on their screen, I need counselling already after I came across an episode of Most Haunted from SIX years ago!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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