Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Jeremy Corbyn

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

image for Doc Corbyn "has built a time machine back to the 1970s"
Corbyn and fellow lefties cycling back to the future

Opposition Leader Jeremy Corbyn has allegedly built a time machine which transports people back to the 1970s, it has been alleged. The allegation was made by Prime Minister David Cameron at PMQs. Cameron claims that the time machine is a bicycle, powered by crowdsourcing and Twitter, and that it could actually harm Britain's present and future, by creating a temporal anomaly.

Scientific experts have commented that Corbyn could place the time machine on a Goodies style 3-seater bike, and take a trip back to the 1970s with fellow lefty John McDonnell and hefty lefty Dianne Abbott. There, they could encourage the trade unions to take more industrial action than they did before and prevent Britain from ever getting its independent nuclear deterrent. They would be unable to get back to 2016, since their fuel, crowdsourcing and Twitter, didn't exist in the 1970s. However, the rest of us would live in a changed timeline, which would include three-day weeks, inflation in excess of 100%, a continuing Cold War (because the Soviet Union would not have seen the error of its ways and abandoned Communism) and, possibly scariest of all, offspring of a Corbyn/Abbott union who would terrorize the Parliamentary Labour Party.

We put these questions to Corbyn, who gave us a Paddington stare from the top of his glasses, then told a colleague, "There's a man from the press annoying me".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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