Written by CountrygirlJo
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Thursday, 14 January 2016

image for EU launches campaign to "leave Chris Grayling"
European Union

European Union officials announced this morning that plans were underway to "leave Chris Grayling" within the next year. Speaking from Brussels, a spokesperson said "We simply cannot accept the endless migration of rubbish from Grayling and others like him with no ability to slow or stop the resulting growth in nonsense or brainless ideas."

Opinions like those of Grayling have been making the dangerous trip from the conflict-torn fringes of the Conservative Party more and more over the last twelve months, with centre ground politicians seemingly powerless to stop them. "We see this more and more" said a source in the European Commission. "Ill informed viewpoints swarming all over tv studios and newspapers across the UK".

"We have to be careful about them", he continued, "coming over here with their strange ideas. Like stopping prisoners from having books to read, repealing Human Rights legislation or trying to make money by charging defendants a fee in court. These opinions have no place in a civilised society."

A date to leave Grayling has yet to be announced and it's believed that a period of negotiation by David Cameron to try and get him to 'shut up because he's a Cabinet Minister' has been underway.

Where Grayling will be left remains to be decided, though there is speculation that a camp site just outside Calais is being prepared with Grayling transported there in an unseaworthy, overcrowded boat. Alternatively, Grayling may be invited to apply for asylum in Denmark.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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