Written by Breeze
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Monday, 4 December 2006

image for Daniel O'Donnell fights for life in geriatric gun drama.
She'll probably get a grammy for services to music

Fans of popular crooner Daniel O'Donnell were praying for his speedy recovery after news that he had been gunned down by a crazed fan.

Daniel, 54, whose irritating warble is adored by a legion of crackpot pensioners was signing autographs outside the 'Leafy Pines Retirement Home' when elderly nutjob Doris Bandysnatch opened fire.

One eyewitness told us, "It was horrifying, an elderly lady with a zimmerframe suddenly produced a pistol and shot Daniel five or six times. Then she calmly pulled out a copy of 'People's Friend' and read it until the police arrived"

The singer, famous for his energetic stage shows and exotic pullovers, was rushed to hospital where he was said to be comfortable and asking for his mammy.

One hospital insider said, "There were frenzied attempts to keep Daniel alive until one of the surgeons recognised him. Then they just told one of the nurses to put a pillow over his head but he pulled through anyway.

There had been fears over the singers safety ever since he started inflicting his bland, sugar coated crap on the British public but until yesterday, sadly, he just didn't get the message.

The 85 year old, would-be assassin was still being interviewed by police but a music industry insider told us "She'll probably get a grammy for services to music"

Asked if the Irish balladeer would ever sing again, the leading surgeon, Dr Reginald Bumworthy said last night, "Mr O'Donnell suffered multiple gunshot wounds. These wounds, however, were superficial and so, as a precaution, we've removed his larynx

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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