Written by Bobby Dazzler
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Wednesday, 21 October 2015

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An Alleged Witch

Police today have announced the launch of Operation Witch-Hunt . In a statement issued today, Chief Superintendent Hopkins, who will head the operation, has said that although witchcraft is not illegal in the UK anymore there are many historical cases of witchcraft which need investigating and has urged any victims to come forward.

An eighty seven year old widow from Wigan has already been arrested. It's alleged that she was a member of a coven in 1949 that cast a spell on her neighbour's son, turning him into a birdbath.

Police raided her house and took away several corn dolls. She claims not to even remember what she was doing in 1949 and there is no evidence to suggest she was anywhere near the coven, or if there ever was a coven. She is due to stand trial at the Old Bailey next month.

The DPP has given her full support to the operation. She also urged victims of witchcraft to come forward.

In an interview given earlier today she said, 'This is a witch hunt and it's vitally important that if you've ever been a victim of a witch, even if you can't remember and have no proof, you must come forward and tell us about it and we will believe you. We will not rest until witches who, up until now, have enjoyed a cloak anonymity are flushed out and feel the full force of the law.'

Police have set up an emergency anonymous witch finder helpline to call if you have any information that can lead to the whereabouts of a witch, or if you have been turned into a birdbath yourself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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