Written by lukejay
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Monday, 21 September 2015

UK Prime Minister Call Me Dave has admitted that he once had sexual intercourse with a pig as part of a game of 'Truth or Dare.'

The game was carried out as part of the future prime minister's initiation into the exclusive and infamous 'Knobs Klub.'

To join the club, a potential member is expected to complete three 'dares' over a twenty-four hour period. The 'dares' are to: i) repeatedly beat a homeless person over the head with a gold brick; ii) throw faeces at members of the public; and iii) have sex with a non-human animal.

Of the incident, the prime minister has said: 'To gain membership of one of the most prestigious clubs this country has ever known, I had to go the whole hog. My pals and I were swines in those days.'

'Let's not be boaring: all animals are equal, four legs are just as good as two,' he added.

The incident which took place at Manor Farm is rumoured to have been filmed by a fellow member of the 'Knobs Klub' and distributed as a pornographic film entitled 'Not A Squealing Spitroast.'

A number of famous pigs have spoken out about the prime minister's admission, with reactions ranging from complete surprise to absolute horror.

'It's horrid and putrid, I can't even think about it. It sounds a bit hammy to me. My Kermy would never ever dream of being so crude,' said super starlet Miss Piggy.

The founder of extremist group 'The Beasts of Britain', Daddy Pig said: 'This breaks the holy seventh commandment of Nature, some animals are more equal than others.'

Child star, Babe said of Call Me Dave's actions: 'Sows are not for one night only; he should have been rooting for truffles elsewhere.'

Porky Pig of Looney Tunes fame also weighed in on the discussion, saying: 'T-t-t-the prime minister m-m-must have been l-l-leathered.'

To end speculation as to whether he would ever repeat the activity, the prime minister said: 'I may trough a lot of bacon but I'll stick to sleeping in my own pen.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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