Written by Toeknee Abcess
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Saturday, 12 September 2015

Welsh gigalo Bigboyo Davies has become the first human to successfully undergo a penis transplant from a donor elephant. Horace, a 20 year old African elephant at Barry Zoo, South Wales, succumbed to one-too-many fat old ladies riding bare back on him, suffering a massive heart attack earlier this week after a 76 year old great-grandmother, Ethel Jones, booked a ride wearing no knickers. Zoo vets were able to donate Horace's organs to various animal hospitals.

Davies spoke to The Spook from his hospital bed in Cardiff. "As soon as I 'erd about Horace passing away I wanted his penis mun. I've  been a gigalo for about 5 years now. Apart from the fact that my dickie-di-do was starting to get a bit worn out, there's  been a lot of competition recently from Africans in the gigalo market who are, well, rather well-endowed you know."

Davies demonstrated  his new and impressive appendage. "There's no one got one of these, like." It took Davies a full 30 seconds to get his new weapon out of his pants before swinging it around his head and dislodging the ceiling light fitting in the process. "Yes it's  a bloody big one mun. It takes a bit of getting used to.  But once the ladies see how big, black and rubbery this thing is they'll be queuing  up down the street all the way to Barry Island mun. I even tried it out on my girlfriend Bronwyn yesterday to make sure it was working. She was very excited and said it was bloody lush mun and she got a big lump in her throat after that.  So I know I'm  onto a winner here boys.  I'm  expecting a call from Charlotte Church any minute now, she'll be wanting a bloody good go if I know 'er mun. And Tom Jones will probably want to borrow it."

Doctors who performed the operation in Cardiff are very pleased with the outcome and leading environmentalists  have praised Davies for not wasting the penis from an endangered  species. Davies confirmed later today that his appointment book is filling up fast.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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