Written by Toeknee Abcess
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Friday, 4 September 2015

Prominent London Paparazzo Phil Malonglens has scooped sensational photographs of HRH Prince Phillip (no relation) in a compromising position with two 3-legged donkeys in a shed in the seaside town of Blackpool, UK.

Malonglens commented. "I got a tip-off that Prince Phillip had been seen hiring the donkeys on the beach at Blackpool. But when I got down there, there was no sign of HRH. A little birdy tipped me off that donkey droppings had been seen up a nearby side street. So I followed the donkey crap till it disappeared into a shed at the back of "The Pink Pussycat" establishment on Chapel Street. I 'eard the donkeys long before I saw 'em, they were making a hell of a noise".

"Yeah mate, I opened the shed door and there was Prince Phillip flat on his back, drinking from a hip flask, with the two donkeys in what was, well, a seriously dodgy pose. I snapped some beauties before he realised what was happening. By the time he undid his handcuffs and took the donkeys' blindfolds off mate I had legged it down the street and took off in me car".

"I've got some serious offers from a couple of the tabloids so me pictures will be published somewhere next week."

Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace has issued a strenuous denial of the incident. A spokesman advised: "Reports that HRH Prince Phillip was found doing unnatural acts are completely false and a beastly accusation. Prince Phillip is a man of impeccable integrity who has been an animal lover all his life. He saw two donkeys that were missing legs and obviously distressed so took them for medical treatment and some nourishment. Having blindfolded them to keep them calm, as The Prince was treating them, one of the donkeys became agitated and accidentally sat on his face. At that point the other donkey collapsed from shock and lay across the Prince in a prone position. The whole incident was completely innocent and just one of those unfortunate things that happens to one in life".

The donkeys are reported to have fully recovered and are back at work on the beach. Prince Phillip has reportedly left the UK for a 6 month tour of Australia.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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