Written by Toeknee Abcess
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Saturday, 22 August 2015

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace has confirmed rumours circulating in London that the Royal corgis were amongst Rolf Harris' victims of sexual abuse.

However rumours of a foursome involving the Duchess of Cornwell have been hotly denied by the Royal Spokesperson, Nigel Bournewith-Asmallbotham-Anbowles.

Bournewith-Asmallbotham-Anbowles commented, "We started noticing changes in Willy and Hollows' behaviours around the time Mr Harris was commissioned to paint Her Majesty's portrait. At first one noticed little things like them urinating on the royal tablecloths. But things escalated from there during Mr Harris' visits to the Palace culminating in them mauling the ankles of the wife of the Irish ambassador".

Bournewith-Asmallbotham-Anbowles went onto say "We were contemplating having the corgis put down after the Irish incident. But when evidence emerged that Mr Harris had been seen leaving the Royal apartments with corgi fur stuck in his beard we realised what had been going on and called in the Royal Dog Counsellor instead".

Lawyers for Buckingham Palace have filed a formal complaint with Scotland Yard's Senior Canine Crime Unit. Further charges are expected to be laid against Harris who is serving five years and nine months for other convictions for sexual crimes.  Bournewith-Asmallbotham-Anbowles went to great lengths to head off claims of any involvement of the Duchess of Cornwall with Harris, explaining that at the time the alleged corgi offences were committed the Duchess was "busy tugging on the Prince of Wales' ears".

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