Top People's Public School, Eton College, has appointed a new Chaplain after the long-time holder of the position the Rt. Rev. Cuthbert Digby-Travers has retired.
The hoity-toity college for in-bred, stuck-up and over-privileged little oiks wanted to show that it is moving with the times and summoned hacks to an impromptu press conference yesterday to present the new holy man.
In front of a packed grand hall the Headmaster, Tarquin Farquin, introduced the boys and the press to none other than Father Jack Hackett, who until recently was living in seclusion on remote Craggy Island, just off the west coast of Ireland.
In what's believed to be a break with tradition this is the first Chaplain appointed at the school who is known to be a complete nutter and to have a chronic drink problem. Mr Farquin told us:
"In this modern age it is good to show the young gentlemen some of life's dark underbelly and we believe that Father Jack has the grit, gravitas and worldly experience to carry out this demanding role"
Father Jack, who seemed to be having difficulty in standing up then addressed the gathering and imparted the following words of wisdom "Feck, arse, drink, girls!" before being removed struggling from the stage in a bath-chair.
Father Hackett starts his pastoral duties tomorrow and The Spoof wishes him well in all his endeavours.